I was going through my drafts and I found this one from last year. It so happens to be about fall and change. A perfect topic for the current season. One thing that I would like to say is that I no longer feel like I want to be the 'other' mother. I have found a content spot in life, and I could not ask for more. My heart is full to the brim. If there is anyone who cannot find a content spot in life, send me a little message. I would love to encourage you with words of wisdom that I have gleaned from my twenty-five years. It hurts my heart to know that some of you may have 'cloud over my head' point of view when it comes to life. Being alive is so much more than that. So much more. Much love.
-a
A good day is not one in which nothing bad happens. A good day is when you find contentment even in the small and mundane task of becoming the person you are.
Fall is here.
We are loving the weather. The rain. The pockets of sunshine. Let's just say I am thankful that I no longer need to break a sweat while watching my daughter draw chalk outside on our front stoop. When I was younger, I dreaded fall. The impending thought of all the schoolwork I would have to do just made my feet itch. Now that I am a grown woman, fall is like a hidden gem. Or some would say it was like a pumpkin spice latte..but that sounds too cliche for me. I can't even explain what happens to my soul when the air gains its crispness back. It feels like a poem.
Speaking of poems and souls, I have had something on my mind. Many things actually, but I will just share this one as to not confuse potting herbs and cleaning bathroom floors and listening to Japanese Ska. The other night, while giving my daughter her bath, I was thinking about who we are as people. To me it is like we have become the trends that we make. We work so hard to look good. I realized that I work so hard to look good. For some reason there is incessant desire in me to be the better person. I see other mothers and I want to be them. Their hair, their baskets, their throws, all of theirs. I hardly ever just want to be all of me. I smiled at my daughter and thought to myself,
'Claire wants all of me. She doesn't know anyone like her very own mother. She loves me because I am her mother. I was just there. I am who she knows.'
A piece of me just cracked. To love who you are is a very hard thing. To except the challenges before you is difficult. There is always work to be done, but we are making ourselves work harder than we ever have to. Trying to transform yourself, not to mention your entire life, into someone else? An endless hard task.
Then I began to think about my husband, and how I love him for who he is. Not who I want him to be, or who he is going to become. I just love him for being him. The person he is now is delightful and I want to enjoy that. We are both ever changing, and that is the beauty of the seasons. There is a time for this and there is a time for that, but right now is the time for this moment. Take hold of it and embrace it for what it is.
