readiness.

Saturday I went flower picking with my Natalie.
We had a fabulous time. I felt like a little child wandering about the vast forest looking for fairies and such. O the beauty of life. I feel like a child, and yet I have a child growing inside my womb. Will I ever be ready for anything? Is there such a thing? What drives us to readiness?

The baby inside of me will come into this world sometime in the next few weeks. The doctor told me to pack my bags and be ready for the baby to come. 'Be ready.' said the nurse. Then the doctor happily instructed me on how to page her and who to call when I begin labor. Nathan and I went home and I started to get frustrated with myself because I didn't feel ready and there is still so much to be done before baby n. comes into the world. I told my husband that I don't feel ready to be a mother yet, and he quickly assured me that I am perfectly capable to take care of our little daughter. I am blessed to have such a patient husband. Every morning is hopeful. Some are darker than others, but my God's mercies are new every morning and I believe this with all my heart and soul. There has been such peace in our house in the morning. Sometimes it feels like the Holy Spirit is hovering over us. I am thankful for peace.

After we climb out of bed I wander into the kitchen and we usually start the morning with smoothies and eggs or something of the sort. The sunrise reflects into my kitchen from the neighbors window. I love those sunrises. We start every morning. Just like we start life. A child is born into the brightness. He must adjust to the newness of everything. How he breaths and eats and moves. In the same way my husband and I will be thrown into parenthood. No matter how ready we feel, we will become parents.

I was reading in 1 Thess. during my quiet time this week. I was convicted when I made it the section that spoke about not quenching the Spirit. The Lord showed me that I quench the Spirit all the time. When I am anxious. I sat starring at my closet thinking about all the things that I worry about daily. My heart opened a bit to His tender care.

I am no longer worried about giving birth. God has made my body to complete this miraculous task. Why should I be afraid of the outcome of it? Nathan and I embrace the fact that our daughter is going to come into this world, whether we are ready for it or not. God's grace is so good. I feel like it is filling me to the brim. A constant reminder that my dependency is hooked to the one that made me. We cannot do it without Him.

Wonderful life. Wonderful love. Wonder of it all.

-a.