Blackberry bush.

The heart. We think we understand it. We have quite a handle on it scientifically. We can fix a heart, or try to. We can pump blood into it and keep it alive if we need to. We cannot fathom the depths of it though. This week has been really challenging for my heart. There have been prickly little blackberry thorns stinging me in certain places that I have not traveled. Overgrown and wild these blackberries have slowed my steps, and I've had to step back and think, 'how shall I prune these crazy things?'. 

Nathan has been working so hard lately. He has a project at work that is due this week, and we can all feel the tension and anticipation. I admit, I have been a needy wife. Why is it whenever someone needs you to be patient and kind, it seems to be during a very hard week? My patience has quit several times, and I regret each one. After having a particularly hard day yesterday, Claire took her first steps before bed. It was special and surreal and fast. My baby can walk on her own now. Her daddy then took her and brushed her teeth, changed her diaper and then got her to fall asleep like a dream. No tears. Just a gentle rock from her dad and she was out like a light. I went to bed feeling rather sad and depressed because my baby is growing up. She didn't even need her mommy cuddles to fall asleep. I am so proud of my little darling, but it is hard for me to move through these special moments so quickly. A year goes by ridiculously fast. I fell into tears feeling badly for the way I had conducted myself, and then to receive such a gift as my daughter's first steps? It was overwhelming. My husband accepted my tea and sympathy, and we drifted off. Not before I could sneak into baby's room to steal one last look at her though.

I am grateful to be a wife.a mother.a daughter.a sister. 

It is all a gift. 

Cherish it.

With my heart. 

-a.

camp(ing)

We arrived home from a weekend long camping trip this afternoon. It was nice to be in the midst of nature for a change. We went with a group of dear friends to a small campground on the Oregon coast. It was terribly cold, and I had under packed because I was expecting some 80 degree weather. With a trip to fred meyer our problem was solved. I spent the weekend walking around in long underwear and my husband's jacket. Nathan was such a mountain man the whole time. Playing with knives and chopping wood, I enjoyed watching him flow with nature so gracefully. Claire was a darling on her first camping trip. She slept through the night and played in the dirt. She loved the little creek that was next to our campsite. My little baby loves nature so much. Watching her observe how the trees sway in the wind or how the ocean rolls in is such a gift. She helps me to slow down and appreciate the quiet moments. Our little trip has refreshed my soul. I am so tired, but it was all worth it. I cherish these times that I get to spend with my little family. Each new adventure is just as special as the one previous. 

Above is a picture of my husband whittling as we were getting ready to leave for home. This is one of my favorite photographs I have ever taken. 

-a.

My family.

These two I love.
-a.

due.

Baby n. is due today. I'm not sure if she will come today, but soon for sure. Mama's body has got a feeling. The hubby has a ton of work to do, so I am just at home resting and reading and eating copious amounts of homemade bread. I wrote my child a letter. First one. I'm pretty excited about her coming into this world. I even wrote her a little lullaby all her own. Which, maybe wasn't the best idea because now my eyes and nose have become a leaky faucet. I love my bebe like crazy and she isn't even here yet. Mothers kept telling me about how their hearts exploded when they met their babies. I think I know what they are talking about now...at least I've got the gist of it. Motherhood is coming like a freight train. What will I even do with myself?
I am excited for this new adventure. God has blessed my little family more abundantly than I could have ever imagined. My heart is His forever. I pray He steals your heart as well. Knowing God is so much more than what it seems to be. The deepness of relationship with the Creator is a gorgeous revelation of life. No one can truly live without knowing Him. To know God is to love Him.
"because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63:3
-a.

breaking waters(quite possibly).

Yay for 40 weeks & luscious watermelon!

-a.

readiness.

Saturday I went flower picking with my Natalie.
We had a fabulous time. I felt like a little child wandering about the vast forest looking for fairies and such. O the beauty of life. I feel like a child, and yet I have a child growing inside my womb. Will I ever be ready for anything? Is there such a thing? What drives us to readiness?

The baby inside of me will come into this world sometime in the next few weeks. The doctor told me to pack my bags and be ready for the baby to come. 'Be ready.' said the nurse. Then the doctor happily instructed me on how to page her and who to call when I begin labor. Nathan and I went home and I started to get frustrated with myself because I didn't feel ready and there is still so much to be done before baby n. comes into the world. I told my husband that I don't feel ready to be a mother yet, and he quickly assured me that I am perfectly capable to take care of our little daughter. I am blessed to have such a patient husband. Every morning is hopeful. Some are darker than others, but my God's mercies are new every morning and I believe this with all my heart and soul. There has been such peace in our house in the morning. Sometimes it feels like the Holy Spirit is hovering over us. I am thankful for peace.

After we climb out of bed I wander into the kitchen and we usually start the morning with smoothies and eggs or something of the sort. The sunrise reflects into my kitchen from the neighbors window. I love those sunrises. We start every morning. Just like we start life. A child is born into the brightness. He must adjust to the newness of everything. How he breaths and eats and moves. In the same way my husband and I will be thrown into parenthood. No matter how ready we feel, we will become parents.

I was reading in 1 Thess. during my quiet time this week. I was convicted when I made it the section that spoke about not quenching the Spirit. The Lord showed me that I quench the Spirit all the time. When I am anxious. I sat starring at my closet thinking about all the things that I worry about daily. My heart opened a bit to His tender care.

I am no longer worried about giving birth. God has made my body to complete this miraculous task. Why should I be afraid of the outcome of it? Nathan and I embrace the fact that our daughter is going to come into this world, whether we are ready for it or not. God's grace is so good. I feel like it is filling me to the brim. A constant reminder that my dependency is hooked to the one that made me. We cannot do it without Him.

Wonderful life. Wonderful love. Wonder of it all.

-a.

joy.

i love this man.

-a.

saltwater sandals&ricotta

found these for bebe today.
so blessed. i've been looking all over the place for saltwaters for her. now we can be matching. i am so excited. this little girl is going to be such a doll.

i'm making goats milk ricotta right now. it's curdling and cooling as i write this. i'm pretty excited about this new found ability i have...to make cheese. it actually smells like cheese. i am ecstatic.

the Lord is good. i wrote a song today. it has been months since a song has come to me. this one did in a few minutes. the Word of the Lord is so inspiring. i've been prompted to read more. nat & i both have. i am so blessed to have such an amazing husband. his kind words are like a calm ocean in this scattered brain of mine. when he reads Scripture to me, my heart is at rest. he is going to be a wonderful father, because his Father in heaven is the truest Father of all. Isaiah has been moving my heart this week. bits and pieces of it have been coming back to memory. yesterday morning during fellowship, the Lord kept bringing things to my heart that i thought i had forgotten. i felt like i was lacking in my walk with Him, and i was being lazy. so of course, i thought i was forgetting what He had taught me in the years of walking with Him. on the contrary! the Spirit showed me yesterday, that i had not forgotten a thing, and that i have access to all the goodness that God has for me and for my family. i have no lack. i have no want. i have no need. Christ satisfies.

ria.

rest.

Sorry for such a long season of "unposting". It seems there is barely time in this busy schedule of life. Then I am reminded that I have all the time in the world. Maybe the house doesn't need to be picked up right this minute, or the dishes done at 10:00 p.m. Maybe I just need to rest. So that is what I have been doing. We often forget how to rest. It is the business and perfection of life that smashes us to a pulp. As a result, I am trying to rest more, which hasn't included much writing. I promise to catch up.

I am 32 weeks and 1 day today. Baby n. moves and squirms just like she should, and apparently I am supposed to gain 1 1/2 lbs. every week for the next 8 weeks. So crazy that she is almost here.

I'm going to have a morning grapefruit now. My husband is shouting from the bedroom for me. It is 6:51 in the morning, and he is just making sure I am ok. <3
 Loves,
ria.

beach.

my love and i had a marvelous sunday at the beach a few weekends ago. i was tired from a long week, and nathan decided it would be best for us to get away. i love day trips, but being pregnant i got a bit car sick on the windy road there...i quickly recovered after a small rest in safeway and some artichoke hummus. we made it to a little trailhead and decided to hike into hobbit beach. .5 miles of fun and cold feet(my husband lent me his sock though) we made it through the overgrown walls and out into a small cove with a view of the vast ocean. we laid on the beach and wrote in our journals despite the somewhat rainy weather. it was so refreshing.
ria.

at home.

1.this was some sort of anniversary. i think it was 4 months. we had pizza and sparkling apple juice. it was the bomb.
2.this is my 'i love salad' face.
3.study.
4.i loved the composition of this one..his ring and my belly. so perfect.
5.new haircut.
6.see 5.
7.what i've been reading. 

christmas week.

1.my handsome husband. brings me so much joy. he blesses me so.
2.this is my addiction to trees.
3.he taught me the art.
4.on our way home from christmas at my parent's house.
5.the only snow we'll have this year.
6.the sun. you thought it was the moon didn't you?

strawberry cake.

Before Nathan left for school this morning, he set up the recording gear for me. I made a little music, didn't get very far without him though. Sometimes I think I have the whole music thing figured out, and then I am reminded that I need my husband. He is a part of the music I write.  I love him.

After finishing up a small song, I decided I needed to make a cake. Something with strawberry icing. I am pretty darn excited to eat this cake that is in my oven. I am making a cake in my crappy oven. This is cool. Also, I feel very wife like at the moment. Listening to Christmas music in my polka dot apron. Fun.

The sky is gorgeous. Blue with those fluffy white tuff clouds. The ones that look like bunny tails. Leaves are ALL over our backyard. I love it.

I love life. This morning Nathan read his Steve Jobs biography and I read Shakespeare. It was a delicious morning.

I am learning particularly a lot about loving my husband and being patient with him. I am also learning how to be patient with myself. God is so good. I keep writing this, and then I ask myself, 'really? is He?'. I always retort back with a excited 'YES'. Too many wonderful things are going on for me to say no. Life is more beautiful every single day.
I love living.

I'll post some pictures of my cake when it is all done.
ria.

sheets

Nathan has a Calculus midterm today. Midterms are always hard...for everyone. I feel for him. I am so thankful that my babes is going to school for us. He is a special friend to me. He ate cheerios with honey this morning while I made him two sandwiches. I made white bread the other day. It turned out quite good. Not exactly like my mother's though. I miss my mother's cooking. Her soups especially...the beef stew. So good. And her pies. I want her pie so bad. I just can't pull it off like she can. Mom, thanks for all the good food over the years.
After Nathan left I made myself a cup of 'bluebird' tea with honey. Downloaded a bunch of free music. Got some ideas for christmas gifts. Thinking about a christmas album. Little drummer boy running through my head. It smelled like christmas this morning..like wood burning fires..I think it was just the homeless man in the alley smoking though. We have a holly tree down our alley. I think I'm going to cut some of it and put it in our little bud vases. Our gerber daisies are molding anyway. This will be the first Christmas I get to kiss my hubby.

I am more than just a little excited.

My plants are growing wild. One is trying to die, but I keep telling it to make it. I'd be too sad if he died. One of my succulents has tripled in height...I wonder if this is normal. I think he wants to be planted in a bigger pot or something.

Today is change the sheets day. This is what I want for Christmas. Nice sheets. We didn't get any for our wedding, and although I am very thankful for the purple floret ones that a nice old lady gave us, I still want some crisp new sheets. Every time I go to Target I wish they would be on sale, but they are always $50+ . Why does life have to be so expensive sometimes?
That reminds me. Rent is due.
God has been so gracious to us. My new job is just now starting, and still we are able to pay our rent. Things haven't been that tight. I am so thankful. My husband is a hard working man. <3 I love him.

Enjoy your day. I will.
Loves.
ria.

Depth of heart.

this was taken by my sister Mandy.

I am trying to decide which part of the house I should tackle next. I've been under the weather this week. Cold and all. I finally cleaned up the kitchen. My love dove has been trying to keep it clean, he has been doing such a wonderful job, but he has a lot of homework and work to do, so I made myself clean it this morning. He is away teaching Spanish right now, so it should be a nice surprise for him when he comes home. I think I will tackle the living room next. The floor is a smattering of Persian rug, minty gum, and thank you notes that I have been working on. I hand cut, hand drew them all. We are going to watercolor them next. I am pretty excited about these cute little postcards.

I laid in bed all morning yesterday. I felt awful. Listened to sermons while Nat was at school. God and I had a good talk yesterday. I have been feeling disconnected. All of these spiritual things going on, all of these bills that need to be payed, all these people who need to be pleased. I had a heart full of thankfulness though. All of these pressing matters didn't seem like that big of a deal anymore. That is what happens when you are in the presence of God. Everything just kind of fades off into a depth of field...just like a photograph. If you lack depth in a photo, then it isn't as riveting or heart stopping. Nothing is really exciting about it if you can't feel what is going on in the picture. My sister has been taking these really inspiring photos. Just of flowers, but if you really look at the picture, it comes to life, and for just one second, nothing else matters. God is like that in our lives. He just stops everything, and we can enjoy Him, despite what we are going through, who is discouraging us, and what we have failed at. He is very very good. All the time.

Lots of new ideas have been making their way into this mind of mine. I am going to see what I can do about them.
In the meantime, make sure you take your multi-vitamins and kiss your husbands.
Much love...
ria.

mishmash.

terrible headache. husband was [almost] mugged today. 39 postcards cut. now Bible(finally).
ria.

women's briefs.

Yesterday I came home with a 10 pack of these babies. I was pretty shocked when I opened up the package. I didn't think I was old enough for these kind of 'panties'. After 15 minutes of looking for a package of all black cotton underwear, I settled for the '4th of July' themed ones. This is what I get for picking such ridiculous colors. I only bought the package for the two crazy printed ones. Failed to take note of the lady's briefs scrolled across the front. This is what I get for shopping at wal-mart. Heck oui!.

These will be returned in a few days. After a few more uses.

Just kidding! I did not try them on. I was very tempted, but it didn't happen. Nothing to see here.

Ha.

On a more serious note, I've been learning how to be a good wife. You know, I went into marriage thinking that I was going to know how to be a good wife. All natural. Even though some things do come easier, others I need to learn. Mostly how to balance my time, and get the things done that need to be done. Like painting a table white. I'm going to try and do that today. Things like making the bed and making sure EVERY dish is done takes a little more effort though. Especially laundry. We have a laundry mat right around the corner from us; however laundry takes the heck out of me..its all the waitin'. Waiting for jeans to dry is the worst ever. I should just bring a book. Crazy Love has been my current read btw. In the midst of all these things, I am learning to be a good wife. This feel good.

Our alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. I blundered around to turn off the awful cell phone sound. Then I proceeded to wake Nathan up with a few kisses...it is hard for him to wake up without kisses, and I like kissing him, so I think this is a good deal. Then we exchange 'good mornings' and tell each other our dreams. Telling dreams are super fun, but the kissing is still my favourite. Then I slapped his butt and told him to get in the shower. He did and then I start with my wifely duties : making the bed & making us breakfast. I brew some espresso. We got this new trader joe's coffee that Nathan wanted to try, so I made that. Grind, cold water, screw on, turn up the heat. Then I made breakfast burritos, washed some grapes, and proceeded to make a dark chocolate breve for my favourite man. We enjoyed breakfast together. Then he went off to Physics class. Such a smart husband I married. I love seeing him work things out. I find it especially funny when he laughs at his calculus homework. I think he is the most adorable husband ever. I love him.

All this being said, I feel like a good wife this morning. Some days are better than others, but this morning was a very good one. Top of the line to ya.
I have a hunch that all the single ladies are going through the same kind of thing. I was a single lady a while ago, I haven't forgotten all about that. When you wake up in the morning, don't put your worth in who you are or what you do, that isn't going to get you anywhere..it will only lead to depression and self-pity, because we all mess up or don't measure up. My question to you though, why are you trying to measure up? We are covered in the blood of Jesus Christ. So we need not measure up to anything or anyone, because we can't. Only in Jesus are we made perfect. Don't sit around thinking about everything that you could be, or everything that you are not. Just be. Be seated with Christ in the midst of His heart. There is no other place that is more exciting and lovely.

To all of the women who feel like they don't know what the heck to do with themselves : chill out. Enjoy the special wonders of being a women. Being a wife is fun, but you are so much more than that. You are a beautiful creature, made to do wonderful things. All for one purpose and high calling.

To glorify God.

Much love & laughs,
ria.

dancing on a note.

Today fall came.
I am glad it has come.
Choppy weather full of distressed clouds, and smells of pumpkin and cinnamon sticks are all here.
And now? I am awaiting the leaves' change of colour. Yellows and oranges and reds have been taking over my daydreams.

Tomorrow I should start on the hat making. This will be the first winter that my husband will sport a hat made by me. Such a joyous occasion for two little lovebirds. I am quite looking forward to this.

On a more serious note, God taught me something about myself today. A harsh thing. With certain peoples I am a certain way. God has shown me not to be this way. This is going to be a challenge for me, but hey...I'll come out a stronger woman because of this. Not going to lie, this sounds like something beautiful.

And by the way..I have the best planet of a man...er...best man on the planet. He is full of a humble servant's heart & it inspires me. I want to be just like him when I grow up.
He is such a loving husband. I could not have asked God for anything better.

God is good at giving us the best. He is such a loving and faithful Father.
I want to dance for Him.

love.ria.