Blackberry bush.

The heart. We think we understand it. We have quite a handle on it scientifically. We can fix a heart, or try to. We can pump blood into it and keep it alive if we need to. We cannot fathom the depths of it though. This week has been really challenging for my heart. There have been prickly little blackberry thorns stinging me in certain places that I have not traveled. Overgrown and wild these blackberries have slowed my steps, and I've had to step back and think, 'how shall I prune these crazy things?'. 

Nathan has been working so hard lately. He has a project at work that is due this week, and we can all feel the tension and anticipation. I admit, I have been a needy wife. Why is it whenever someone needs you to be patient and kind, it seems to be during a very hard week? My patience has quit several times, and I regret each one. After having a particularly hard day yesterday, Claire took her first steps before bed. It was special and surreal and fast. My baby can walk on her own now. Her daddy then took her and brushed her teeth, changed her diaper and then got her to fall asleep like a dream. No tears. Just a gentle rock from her dad and she was out like a light. I went to bed feeling rather sad and depressed because my baby is growing up. She didn't even need her mommy cuddles to fall asleep. I am so proud of my little darling, but it is hard for me to move through these special moments so quickly. A year goes by ridiculously fast. I fell into tears feeling badly for the way I had conducted myself, and then to receive such a gift as my daughter's first steps? It was overwhelming. My husband accepted my tea and sympathy, and we drifted off. Not before I could sneak into baby's room to steal one last look at her though.

I am grateful to be a wife.a mother.a daughter.a sister. 

It is all a gift. 

Cherish it.

With my heart. 

-a.

this:

Morning kisses&prayer.raisin bran.grocery shopping with the husband.possibly the most delicious ciabatta sandwiches for lunch.millions of quarts of goats milk(i'm exaggerating of course).grape juice.baby dancing.Braxton-Hicks.preparing for labor.house cleaning.homemade pasta.homemade goats cheese.yellow apron.my life is real.

-a

women's briefs.

Yesterday I came home with a 10 pack of these babies. I was pretty shocked when I opened up the package. I didn't think I was old enough for these kind of 'panties'. After 15 minutes of looking for a package of all black cotton underwear, I settled for the '4th of July' themed ones. This is what I get for picking such ridiculous colors. I only bought the package for the two crazy printed ones. Failed to take note of the lady's briefs scrolled across the front. This is what I get for shopping at wal-mart. Heck oui!.

These will be returned in a few days. After a few more uses.

Just kidding! I did not try them on. I was very tempted, but it didn't happen. Nothing to see here.

Ha.

On a more serious note, I've been learning how to be a good wife. You know, I went into marriage thinking that I was going to know how to be a good wife. All natural. Even though some things do come easier, others I need to learn. Mostly how to balance my time, and get the things done that need to be done. Like painting a table white. I'm going to try and do that today. Things like making the bed and making sure EVERY dish is done takes a little more effort though. Especially laundry. We have a laundry mat right around the corner from us; however laundry takes the heck out of me..its all the waitin'. Waiting for jeans to dry is the worst ever. I should just bring a book. Crazy Love has been my current read btw. In the midst of all these things, I am learning to be a good wife. This feel good.

Our alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. I blundered around to turn off the awful cell phone sound. Then I proceeded to wake Nathan up with a few kisses...it is hard for him to wake up without kisses, and I like kissing him, so I think this is a good deal. Then we exchange 'good mornings' and tell each other our dreams. Telling dreams are super fun, but the kissing is still my favourite. Then I slapped his butt and told him to get in the shower. He did and then I start with my wifely duties : making the bed & making us breakfast. I brew some espresso. We got this new trader joe's coffee that Nathan wanted to try, so I made that. Grind, cold water, screw on, turn up the heat. Then I made breakfast burritos, washed some grapes, and proceeded to make a dark chocolate breve for my favourite man. We enjoyed breakfast together. Then he went off to Physics class. Such a smart husband I married. I love seeing him work things out. I find it especially funny when he laughs at his calculus homework. I think he is the most adorable husband ever. I love him.

All this being said, I feel like a good wife this morning. Some days are better than others, but this morning was a very good one. Top of the line to ya.
I have a hunch that all the single ladies are going through the same kind of thing. I was a single lady a while ago, I haven't forgotten all about that. When you wake up in the morning, don't put your worth in who you are or what you do, that isn't going to get you anywhere..it will only lead to depression and self-pity, because we all mess up or don't measure up. My question to you though, why are you trying to measure up? We are covered in the blood of Jesus Christ. So we need not measure up to anything or anyone, because we can't. Only in Jesus are we made perfect. Don't sit around thinking about everything that you could be, or everything that you are not. Just be. Be seated with Christ in the midst of His heart. There is no other place that is more exciting and lovely.

To all of the women who feel like they don't know what the heck to do with themselves : chill out. Enjoy the special wonders of being a women. Being a wife is fun, but you are so much more than that. You are a beautiful creature, made to do wonderful things. All for one purpose and high calling.

To glorify God.

Much love & laughs,
ria.